1. When I cross the street with my toddler, who decides halfway to quit walking
  2. When my voice rises into threats, “You’re gonna get a timeout!”
  3. When I hear, “Make his ass get up!”
  4. When I glance up and see a 30-something black man leaning out of his car window, looking at me dead serious
  5. When I can’t tell if he’s trying to be helpful or scolding me
  6. When I turn from him (because fuck him, but his words burn anyway), and carry my son back to the same sidewalk where we began
  7. When I yell, “You’re going to sit here!” and push down on his shoulders
  8. When, in one swift motion, he sits and loses his balance
    OR
    He falls on purpose in revolt
    OR
    I push him down so hard he falls back until I hear the dull whack of his head on the sidewalk
  1. When my horrified eyes tell his searching eyes, “Yes, you can cry.”
  2. When I wrap myself around his howls, say, “I didn’t mean for you to fall.”
  3. When a 30-something white lady walks past us
  4. When her look tells me she saw everything
  5. When I feel the need to explain myself (but fuck her too)
  6. When I am afraid of my angry self and how big she has become

Minna Dubin

Damfion-End-of-Article-decoration-yellow

Minna Dubin Headshot_AndriaLo copy - Version 2 copyMinna Dubin is a writer, artist, and educator living in Berkeley, CA. She is currently working on #MomLists, a Bay Area literary public art project on identity and motherhood. When not chasing her toddler in circles around the dining room table, she is eating chocolate in the bathroom while texting.